This Destruction
by socialphobia
Summary: After the death of Freddie, Cook is left to pick up the pieces of his shattered life.
1. Chapter 1

**PROLOUGE, **THE BEGINNING OF THE END

It was almost as though I craved it. The pain and the jealousy. Even after all those fights we had or all the nasty things we said to each other. But ever time I walked away I came back moments later, crawling on my knees, begging her not to leave.

It was like she was a drug, but not like any of all those other drugs. Nothing made me feel so good and so rotten at the same fucking time. I knew she never would be mine, she would always be Freddies, even though he's gone now. She'll always compare me to him and I know I always comes up short next to him but I still cant make myself stop needing her.

I am an addict, a junkie, a no good motherfucking druggie. But there is nothing in this world that will make me stop loving Effy Stonem.


	2. Chapter 2

**PART ONE**, I'VE GOT A WAR IN MY HEAD SO, I JUST RIDE

Everything was beating, the floor, the air, my body. Everything moved together with the music that pumped around the club. The air was thick with smoke and sweat. I was drunk and high of my fucking mind. That morning I had gotten out of juvenile jail for all that shit I did last year and Naomi treated me to a welcome back party at her house. Everyone was there and everyone did a real good job pretending to be happy that I was back.

I knew they were really scared. Scared that I would fuck everything up again.

Almost everyone followed out to the club, except for JJ who had to get back to his girlfriend and that fucking baby. It's weird that someone as fucked up as JJ could act so normal when he was around that kid. Crazy how love can change you like that.

I tried to focus my eyes as I moved across the dance floor, everything was moving but I could see Panda and Congo man dancing near me. They seemed pretty happy, even though there had gone down a lot of shit between them. Thomas had gotten into a university in the motherfucking USA and he and Panda is moving there next month. I wont miss them.

I knew Naomi and Emily probably were at the bar. You could barley catch anyone of them alone these days, they were always together now. They were planning on going to Mexico again soon. They apparently loved it there.

Everyone had moved on. Their life was something new and fresh and I still stood in the same fucking place as I had when I left. Nothing had changed with poor old Cook, except that his best friend had gotten murdered by a psycho and the love of his life would never ever become the same again.

I felt sick, it could have been the drugs and alcohol or the moving of the floor, but I knew I had to get out. I pushed trough the herd of people and darted against the exit. There was so many fucking people at this place, I could barley breath. My stomach was killing me, my head was spinning and my skin felt like it was on fire. I pushed through the two guards who stood in front of the exit and as fast as I felt the cold air hit my face, I puked right in front of a pair of black Dr Martens.


	3. Chapter 3

**PART TWO**, NOTHING'S LEFT , NO TURNING BACK

"I see you haven't changed"

As I looked up from the pile of yellowish puke beneath me, I had troubles catching my breath. My heart went five hundred miles an hour and it felt almost as if my skin would start to burn. Her hair was slightly curly, like it was when she didn't fix it after the shower, she had it pulled up in a ponytail. Her blue eyes was strangely not surrounded by tons of make up and I could count all of the freckles on her nose.

"Eff?" I said after one long breath. "Is that fucking you?"

"That's fucking me" she smiled in response.

She looked so happy, so innocent. Like none of those fucking things had happen last year. I guess she got to talk to someone, hopefully not a psycho this time. I dried my lips with my arm before I straightened my back. I stared into those blue eyes, trying to figure out if she really was there of this was some cruel trick played by the drugs. She smiled that Effy smile, like she could see right through you. It's stupid, but before all of this shit went down, I always thought that Effy would be the one who had it all figured out. Maybe she still does, maybe that's why she tried to kill herself. She knew that nothing could save this shit we were all living in.

"I'm happy to see you, Cook. If you weren't all smelly and gross right now, I would hug you." She reached over and pulled her soft, cool hand through my sweaty hair. "But it is really nice to see you. Is everyone here?"

She looked up on the giant neon sign above the entrance. I nodded, still not sure if this was real or not. Her hand sure felt real, it gave me goosebumps all over. She sighed and pushed her hands down the pockets of that old, worn leather jacket she always wore. Underneath it she wore a white dress, covered with flowers. Not really her style, but it looked good on her. Her long legs were naked and I started to worry if she was cold. I wanted to pull her closer and warm her, all night long.

"Oh, well. I just wanted to take a walk. I haven't been out much lately."

That reminded me. The mental image of Effy, laying underneath that kitchen table with froth around her mouth and bruised arms, popped into my mind again.

"... When did you get out?" I said, it was Thomas who found her on that fucking floor. It was our 'good-bye Freddie party' and I guess Effy wasn't that ready to say hasta la vista to him yet. Katie called the ambulance. I was in the garden, having a piss. I carried her out to the ambulance, but they wouldn't let me ride in it with her, said I wasn't related or something. Fucking assholes.

"This morning." Effy said and pulled out a fag from a tattered packet. "I'm really suppose to be in bed now but I just couldn't. Wanted to see what I've missed."

"Oh yeah? So you are feeling... Better now?"

"Much, much better." After she lit her cigarette and blew out a thick cloud of smoke she fired off another famous smile. "I'm sorry about that stunt I did. I had no ideas those pills could fuck one up so much."

I shook my head, I didn't want to think about it.

"But you are better now? Definitely better?"

"Definitely. Don't worry, Cookie." She reached over to slowly touch my cheek. "Well, I'm not coming inside. Not now anyway. But you'll tell everyone I said hi, yeah?"

She turned around and started walking away. I watched her for a few seconds, trying to figure out what the fuck just had happened. My head felt empty and everything was spinning again, and before I knew it I was running after her. I thought I had lost her and I started getting worried that she really wasn't back, that it was all in my head. Hell, I've seen weirder things on my drug trips.

But then, as I turned a corner, I found her walking. She was still smoking that fag and she looked as if she hadn't a worry in the world.

"Hey! Stonem! Wait up, alright?"

That made her stop and turn around. She smiled as she saw me before she took one last puff from the cigarette and them stomped it against the ground.

"Couldn't live without me, could you?" she laughed as I came up to her side. She had no idea how right she was.

"Oh hey now, don't give yourself that much credit. I just couldn't let a young lady as yourself go home alone. It's late and all."

"That's sweet." She said as she pushed a hair of strand of her face and placed it behind her ear. "But you know I can take care of myself."

I nodded, I knew. Except that she had been the one under a table, near death. But maybe even the strongest can fuck up sometimes. I slowly reached out for her hand and hugged it with mine.

"I..." I didn't even know how to start, I had been thinking about this meeting for such a long time, but now.. I was all blank. I wanted to scream at her, tell her how stupid she was, then hug her and tell her that I never loved anything as much as I loved her. "I've just missed you, alright?"

We stood there, for what felt like forever, just smiling at each other before she slowly leaned forward and kissed me.

"I've missed you too." she said after the short kiss. "A lot."

She then pulled of a thin studded bracelet off her arm and slipped it onto my wrist.

"There. So you'll remember seeing me tomorrow, something tells me you're going to have the hangover from hell." she said with a smile before she let go of my hand. "You can't follow me home, too risky. So I have to say good bye here. That's alright with you?"

"Yeah.." I felt numb after the kiss, I couldn't help myself for wanting more. "Yeah, that's alright. I'll see you around."

"Bye, Cook"

And just like that she was off again. I stood still, watching her go with my head starting to spin again. I followed her disappear and then I just couldn't hold my eyes open any longer. I felt my head hurt when I hit the ground, and then everything became black.


End file.
